No More Heroes Review for Wii

     When the next gen consoles were rolling around, I put my money on the Wii. I would later come to realize I should have just gone with a Xbox360, but it was a new control scheme by which I was mesmerized by. I'm not a gamer that scoffs at silly ideas, I'm a gamer that embraces them. I remember not having very much to play which saddened me. I had spent all of this money on a console that I was desperate to spend time with but lacked any real way of doing so besides making random Mii's.
     Then there was a rush of trailers for Wii games made for the hardcore gamer. No More Heroes was the one I was most excited for. The music was awesome, the visual style was very different from everything else (by that I mean that it looked like a hyper-violent Jet Grind Radio.) I could not wait for this game to come out. Then it finally did and I fell quickly in love. It met every expectation and then blew them out of the water. This was a game I was starved for and I didn't even know I was hungry.

     No More Heroes is about a man named Travis Touchdown who wins a beam katana on an internet auction and decides he should start killing people with it. Travis is then drafted into an association for assassin's, tasked with the goal to become the #1 assassin. His prize? To get some from a pretty, French girl, Silvia Christel. Yeah, where's the Oscar?
     It's two years later and No More Heroes 2 is on its way. Is the first one still awesome? Should you play it before the second one?

Gameplay

+ One button to rule them all... The control scheme in No More Heroes is very simple. It plays up the fact that there's depth in it's mechanics, and there is if you should try to dive into it, but all you really need to know is keep mashing A. When A doesn't work, mash B. No matter how the game controls, it's incredibly satisfying all the time. 
     You will attack with your beam katana until an enemy's health runs dry. Then you will be prompted with an arrow pointing either up, down, left or right. You are to swing the remote in the direction the arrow is pointing thus prompting Travis to either slice his enemy up the middle or lop his head straight off.
     Let's say the enemy is blocking every attack you make; Press B. Your target will be stunned leaving them open for an awesome wrestling move for awesome damage. Just press B again to grab them and move the remote and nunchuk in the given direction on the screen. They didn't die you say, press A after the move's done to give'em a lil' death poke. 

+ More than meets the eye. Despite the simple controls, there is actually a fair amount of depth to the fighting. Targeting an enemy will help you block. You can dark-side dodge a whiffed attack to slow down time and link attack combos together at super speed. You can even choose between low and high hitting combos by pointing the remote up or lowering it down. Over time, all of the advanced stuff will come to you and you'll feel like a pure bad-ass. Or you'll just mash A and B and not care. That works too.

+ Not for the faint of heart. This game can be punishing. If you're a total hardcore gamer that loves beat-em up's, the difficulty of the game should delight you as it did, me. If you find that you're not the best gamer and you get frustrated easily, put the game on "sweet" mode which is No More Heroes easy mode. Not only will the game be easier for you to get through, the game is just as fun! No need to worry about missing out by taking the easy route. 


+ Join the dark-side! Every time you off an enemy, a slot-machine will activate on the bottom of the screen. Should you get a match of any three symbols, you'll be graced with a random dark-side power. You'll be able to shoot death-balls from your katana, press a prompted button to insta-kill all of those in front of you, slow down time, lots of awesome stuff, all activated by Travis reciting the name of one of his favorite snacks. These powers are not unlimited though. Once activated, a tiger at the top of the screen will begin racing towards a finish line. When it reaches the goal, time's up and you're back to as you were.

+ Like a boss. The bosses in this game are so fantastic! Every time you kill one, you want to get to the next as fast as possible. Each one has their own personality and style to get addicted to. I'd have a hard time forgetting any of them, the dialogue they had to offer, and the challenge they could provide. The other cool thing, for me at least, was that I'd always have just a sliver of health every time I beat a boss. It lent every battle an epic feel that I just barely scraped by, yet still proving I'm destined to be number one and catch some French tail! I don't want to tell too much specifically about any of the bosses because it's just too easy to spoil. Just know that you've never fought any boss like these ever before.

+ Same old song, different dance. On your way to the blow-your-mind awesome bosses, you just kill. A lot. You'd think this gets old but it doesn't. In every level, they find some new way of having you go through the same motions while retaining a refreshing feel to the grind. Sometimes they even break up the action for a few minutes with something completely different and funny for you to work on. The game barely ever becomes dull when you're going through an assassination.

+ Working overtime? In No More Heroes, you need money. You need it to get into the next assassination, buy clothes, weapons, workouts, wrestling movies, the list goes on. You could kill small-time crooks for cash, but that's for "first-raters". How do you become a first-rater? You start at the bottom, just like everyone else. And you know what? You'll like it! You'll participate in epic endeavors such as collecting coconuts, tending a gas-station, catching run-away kittens, and picking up trash! They all have a unique way of using the motion controls and while these tasks would normally be a bore in the real world, they're a delight in No More Heroes.

+ SHOPPING! If you're the type of gamer that collects things, may God have mercy on your soul with what you can get in this game. The clothes in this game are so cool... And so expensive... But so cool...They always put more and more within your reach after every assassination and this goes for clothes, videos, weapons and the rest of the lot. You normally need a lot of cash to make it into the next assassination. Unfortunately, I like to spend my money like it's the last day on Earth. I was glad I did every time.

+ Herrrreee kitty, kitty, kitty! Travis owns a cat named Jeane. When you're in Travis' apartment, you can tend to Jeane anytime you want. You don't have to. There's nothing stopping you from doing it either. Sometimes I just liked to curl up with Jeane and pet her into a purr-ful bliss. Interacting with Jeane wasn't something that had to be there but it only adds to the overall experience and I, for one, am happy I was able to spend some precious minutes of my time with my kitty.

= Where is everybody? You travel through a city known as Santa Destroy. How many people live in Santa Destroy? Dunno. There's never anyone around to speak of. In fact, there's not a lot of anything at all. And you'll spend a lot of time in this barren city. The only thing it's good for is finding hidden collectibles. Why isn't it a minus? Well, it doesn't exactly detract from the game. I never really hated it and a lot of the time, I actually enjoyed exploring even though there wasn't much to see. There's also a method to it's madness but we'll get to that in the presentation section though. On to more gameplay points.

- Sweatshops "R" Us. Let's say you went all out on shopping and now you have no money. Well, you're going to have to do a lot of work to get the fight money you need for the next assassination. And we're talking a good chunk of work here too. Now, being a perfectionist, I'll normally get all the cash I need while I'm trying to gold medal all of the available missions and jobs. 
     The problem is how long it takes to get a mission, go to the mission, and then travel back to mission HQ to get another one. Should you fail a mission, you do not get a retry. You need to go back to the HQ and request the same mission and then drive back to try it again. It sucked. Now, while I didn't hate it too much and I know that it's a necessary evil for what the game is trying to accomplish, it's things like this that ruin a game for some people. 

Story and Presentation

+ My mind has been blown... No More Heroes is one of those stories that makes almost no discernible sense but it's one of the best stories you ever heard anyway. While the game's outset might be simple, Travis interacts with each assassin in a different way creating unforgettable scenes and dialogue. And as you near the end, there are so many twists, it'll make your head spin and your legs give out in the best imaginable way ever.      This game never does take itself seriously though and neither should you. It's when the game takes a turn for the serious that it really gets under your skin and makes you think. I love it when games make me think, even when I'm only over-analyzing at best. Overall, the story is fun, thought-provoking, and most importantly, memorable.

+ I am what I am. Suda 51 (The director, writer and designer of No More Heroes) is known for quality games. If he made a game utilizing popsicle sticks for graphics and blowing your nose as the main game mechanic, he did it because that's the way he wanted it to be, not because he's ignorant to what constitutes a game nowadays. This is the case of No More Heroes. The game is the way it is because Suda wanted it that way for a reason. There are a few analysis of this game on the internet and they all dive into why you have to grind for cash, why Santa Destroy is empty, why certain people act the way they do and why things look the way they are. It's a statement and an experiment in gaming. The passive won't catch on to it at all while the shrewd will be left with the largest smirk they've ever had.
     If you play No More Heroes for what it is at face-value, it's a better than average game. If you take the time to analyze the message it's trying to get across, it's nothing short of an artistic masterpiece. If you have a Wii and you like games that pull you out of the ordinary, give you a chance to experience something you truly haven't experienced yet, there's no reason why you haven't played No More Heroes yet. So when you play this game, if you ever think, "Why am I playing this?" Or "Why did they do the game like this? Such a terrible idea..." Just remember, there's a reason behind it all.

+ Style, style, style! No More Heroes truly has a style of it's own. It attempts to look realistic, yet comic-bookesque at the same time. The entire hud and pause menu are inspired 8-bit designs. All of the characters within have their own flair with every inch of their unique design speaking to you of their pasts and personalities. All of Travis' lines and movements express his cocky and childish nature sublimely. When it comes to No More Heroes' style, it only makes you beg for more.

Graphics

= Sorry, wrong number. No More Heroes does not harness what the Wii is capable. In fact, at times, it barely even looks like a Gamecube game. It's not trying to look pretty though. Like I mentioned above, the graphics aren't the way they are because the developer sucks at making good looking games. They made it appear the way they wanted it to. It doesn't push boundaries in graphics because that's not the point. Alas, what is here though is decent enough. It's not like it's the butt-ugly game of the century or anything. I've seen a lot worse on Wii too.

Sound

+ Music to my ears! Indeed. The music is addictive as all hell. Every boss has their own theme, unique to their personality. As Travis performs menial tasks like mowing lawns, you can hear the muffled treble of his catchy samba music. Stores feature a special song called "Heavenly Star" by the Genki Rockets which comes from the awesome puzzle game Lumines and it's guaranteed to get stuck in your head. I got No More Heroes' soundtrack on my wishlist, for sure!

+ I love your voice! Now, the game isn't completely serious and the characters are supposed to be filling in stereotypes. That being said, the voice acting is just above par. The actors may sound like they're not giving it their best effort at times but they're actually supposed to sound like that, once again, on purpose. Given all of the above, I personally adore the voicing in No More Heroes. I love hearing the delivery of every line. Some of them are just so perfect, I want to hear them over and over...

Should You Buy It?

     Personally, I say yes. Right now, you can get it new for a fairly cheap price. In any case, if you own a Wii, find some way to play this game; Rent it, borrow it, steal it (No, don't), just play and beat it at least once. I know the grinding can get hard, just do your best to push through it. It's worth it. And after you beat it, think of what conclusions the game brought you to. Think about it really hard. Then read an analysis of No More Heroes (There's a great one on Destructoid) and congratulate yourself for participating in one of gaming's most masterful experiments.

No More Heroes was developed by Grasshopper Manufacture and Published by Ubisoft for the Nintendo Wii. Played through Mild and part of Bitter and Sweet difficulties whilst collecting everything in the game for 20+ hours.

Darksiders Review for Xbox 360 and PS3

     What to say about Darksiders. I was always looking forward to playing this game. Unfortunately though, the more I heard about it, the more I was kinda scared to play it since the word wasn't always so positive.
     Darksiders is about the apocalypse beginning early and one of the four horsemen, War, being blamed for it. Instead of War being sent into Oblivion, he is sent back to Earth and given a chance to prove his innocence. Then the game really starts off.

Gameplay

+ Explodey Gun! I had one really great moment in Darksiders when I picked up this one gun on an enemy that explodes enemies. You aim at enemies, shoot at them with harpoons, and then you press another button to make the harpoons explode. I just felt really cool taking on all of these huge demons that would take forever to kill without this little weapon. Too bad you could only use it in one level...

= What is this? I don't even... Devil May Cry, Prince of Persia, Panzer Dragoon Orta, Soul Reaver, Zelda, God of War, they're all in this game in some way or another. Darksiders takes elements from all of the above and tries to put it all into one good game. It's one of those ideas that are much better on paper than in practice. They successfully copied aspects of those games but it didn't necessarily make a better game because of it. All of the attack moves and weapons were completely ripped off, animations as well. It was the same with the platforming too. War could use his gauntlet to slide down certain walls he could climb on like Prince. You ride a horse with the same mechanics as Epona from Zelda: Ocarina of Time and War can attack just like Altair from Assassin's Creed. Almost EVERYTHING came from another game.

- I should go play some... The problem about copying something from another game and then implementing it in a less than stellar way is that I'm gonna want to go play those games you copied. There was not a time where I wasn't thinking I should go play Zelda or Prince of Persia with the reasoning that it wouldn't feel like a waste of time.


- Just like weekend chores. Yay...  It's not good when everything in your game begins to feel like a chore. Towards the middle of the game, I wanted it to just end. Every battle and puzzle that I had to go through was bothersome to the N'th degree. It wasn't challenging and it wasn't fun. And then, when I finally thought I was at the end of the game, I had to go through 3-4 more levels and then backtrack through the entire game to collect stuff... LIKE ZELDA: WINDWAKER! It just wasn't worth it. If I wasn't writing reviews I would've stopped playing a lot earlier...


- Do what now? May God have mercy on you if you forget what you were doing or missed a cutscene showing you what you should be doing. Darksiders will not help or remind you. There were a few times where I was solving a puzzle and I happened to daydream while it was showing me what to do next. I felt screwed as I went back through the dungeon to find out what I changed. Also, after having completed a certain task, I would forget where I was headed so I had to go everywhere to find out if that was the right location or not. Darksiders is a terrible game to play in small pieces if you happen to forget what you were doing when you stopped.



- What does this do? The control scheme was SO CONVOLUTED. The controls barely made any sense. I just couldn't understand why they made things so confusing when it's pretty easy to simplify what they had.


- One more time. Every enemy was essentially the same. It was rare to treat one enemy differently from another. The strategy for everything you came across was just to keep attacking it until it died. It's funny how I can totally enjoy the repetitive nature of Dynasty Warriors but I can't stand this.



- Who's there? You think Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry had terrible cameras. Darksiders copied the "Z-targeting" system from Zelda and it sucks. The enemy AI isn't built like other action games where you can predict when they're going to attack. They don't work in a certain order. If you can't see them, it's a big problem because you'll start getting hit by invisible enemies. This will happen a lot since the targeting will zoom in and only show the enemies in front of you.


- I think you're broken. This could just be me but one of the bosses was terribly broken. When you dodge in this game, you're not invincible, you just become incredibly immobilized. Since boss attacks normally take two dodges to get away from, you're going to get hit if you start right when you see the attack animation. And on the one boss I was facing, she would attack with her fist and I couldn't dodge that in time so I thought to go behind her. What she did instead was immediately cancel her punching animation to hit me with her tail. And then she has a very large range attack that you normally get just enough warning for. For me though, she would just do it. It normally involves her getting ready to jump in the air and then come slamming down. For me, she would just disappear and she'd just be crashing down instantly, no animations or start-up time to speak of.



- Like a snail... Everything felt slow; The attacks, recovery from your dodge, walking, response to pressing the jump button, getting your horse's butt in gear. I messed up a puzzle one time. It took me 5-10 mins to mess up and it took me 10 mins to fix. I do not want to spend 15-20 mins on a puzzle so easy a 2nd grader could solve just because the camera confused me! And you know why it took so long? Because War is slow and everything he does is slow. Kinda reminds me of the worst puzzles in Zelda.



- But I don't want to walk! There are these portals you can enter to quick travel around the overworld. I can not, for the life of me, understand why it is that when you enter one of these portals you have to walk around in an empty dimension to pop out the other end. I went into the portal because I didn't want to waste time walking to my destination, not because I wanted to waste slightly less time than ACTUALLY walking there. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a cool concept to go into these portals and travel through a world of nothing where I have to get to another portal to come out where I wanted to go. It just doesn't belong in a game and it was completely pointless.


- But wait, there's more! There's a little bit more I could go on about but it would just feel like excessive nitpicking. I feel I've already said enough to help you make up your mind about whether this gameplay is for you or not.

Story and Presentation

+ It's like a comic! From the story to the aesthetic, Darksiders played out like an American comic book filled with troubled heroes and grit. All of the characters were visually stimulating and the voice-acting was enticing. I enjoyed listening to and looking at everything in the game.

+ Uriel. Because her allure makes her a plus.

+ In theory... I personally enjoy the concept of the story. I find it fresh and intriguing. I wanted to know why the apocalypse started early, why one of the horsemen was blamed and how he could prove his innocence. For me, it was just interesting from the get-go.

= Once upon a time, the end. The overall story was ok, although, It felt like the story almost wasn't even there being that they never really showed any development of the characters or fleshed out what their true motivations were. In Mario, all you're doing is saving a princess story-wise but the game's so fun, it doesn't really matter. In Zelda, you're saving a princess but you feel close to the people you help out or rally against which gives the world some feeling so that pushes the gameplay forward as well as some solid gameplay mechanics. What I'm trying to say is that Darksiders' story feels one dimensional, and with some slightly shallow gameplay, you'd expect more from it. Unfortunately, they don't give you much to work with so you tend to ask yourself why you're playing.


- It's like a comic book... Sometimes comic stories and art work for a game. I enjoyed the Darkness a lot and I felt that the game stood apart from the comic very well. When it comes to Darksiders, the story could have been so much more if it was a comic or an animation. Because the story was so secondary and was provided so little focus, it's concept was completely wasted. All the depth of characters and the deeper effects of certain events were completely lost and I find that to be a shame.

- Do I know you from somewhere? Why did War use all of his weapons like Dante from Devil May Cry and platform like Prince from Prince of Persia? They even went as far as blatantly copy the textures pf things Prince climbs on in his game. Aside from character designs and some environments (which I still feel like I've seen somewhere else) there was just a lot of originality lost in the making of this game. Next time THQ makes a game, I hope their thought isn't to make a game by solely using ideas from other games. It's not flattering and it isn't fun.

- Needed more Uriel. It seems they realized this at the end of the game but, alas, they realized it too late.


Graphics

= Not bad, rookie.  There wasn't anything really special about the way Darksiders looked but it wasn't an ugly game either. Some effects really popped and some characters looked to have great detail. Another visually pleasing game.


Sound

+ I ain't no slouch. All of the voice work in Darksiders was wonderful. I recognized many of the actors and felt that they lent a good bit of themselves to each character. No grating dialogue to speak of. Very exceptional performances

- What was that?  The sound effects in the cutscenes were odd at times where you would expect something to make an extremely gutteral "BOOM" and then it'll make with a mousy "pimff". It's like seeing a lion roar and hearing it mew like a kitten. Just not right. It also does this outside of cutscenes, just not as often.

Should you buy it?


     No, I say rent it. I'm aware that some people really enjoyed this game, although I don't know why, so I don't want to flat out say pass it up. Just don't buy it before you try it. It only lasts a meager 8-10 hours and there's very little reason to replay it. Save your money and buy something cool like Mass Effect 2, No More Heroes 2, Bioshock 2 or Tatsunoko vs. Capcom (Maybe even one of the games Darksiders copied! Those are all great games). You're money would serve you better with one of those titles.

     Darksiders was developed by Vigil Games and published by THQ. Played and completed Normal difficulty in 10 hours. Review is based on the PS3 version.

 

Bayonetta Review For Xbox360 and PS3

     IT'S HERE! I've been waiting for this game for so long! I even avoided importing it. I LOVE Hideki Kamiya! He's the man responsible for Leon Kennedy of Resident Evil, Viewtiful Joe, Devil May Cry (1 and 4) and the ever beautiful Okami. All of those titles have had a huge influence in my gaming tastes and experiences. I feel like I became a better gamer from playing his games. And now, here's a completely new series from one of my favorite directors.
     Now, this game isn't all rainbows and sunshine. It's got a few hitches here and there but I don't think it overall effects this title. Let's set into this "Infinite Climax" review!

Gameplay

+ Great for beginners and challenging for pros. Normally, when it comes to these types of games, they'll bury you into the ground until you get the point that you just need to work a bit harder to get through the current level which is normally what turns away casual gamers. The other thing that factors in is that you also used to play through a level and if you died, you'd have to start the entire level over from the beginning. Well, Bayonetta has a LARGE amount of checkpoints and the game is fairly easy to get through, even if you only know how to do one combo. Even on lower difficulties, Bayonetta comes equipped with a special item where you can just mash one button and she'll chase down enemies and do spectacular combos for you. The only drawback on taking the easy route is that you'll get less halos for buying new accessories, items, weapons, etc. 
     When it comes to the veterans, the more diverse your combos are, the less damage you take and the faster you can get through a level, the more halos you get! And at the end, all of your scores for sections within a level are added up and you are rewarded with a trophy based on your performance which will net you MORE halos! Then your scores are added to a leaderboard where you can compete for the best scores and times. You can go ahead and slack through the game if you want, but then you'll never have enough to buy all of the cool stuff available to you in the shop. Believe me, you want halos to buy that cool stuff.
     Also, just to note, when you dodge in this game, you can avoid damage and your dodge will make you invincible for a fairly large frame of time making it beginner friendly. However, if you can dodge at just the RIGHT moment, you activate Witch Time which will slow down time for you temporarily to allow you to nail an enemy with a combo without worrying about taking damage. You'll also deal more damage and obtain more halos in the process.


+ Combos for the combo masters! For me, what I loved about Devil May Cry is that there were all of these moves that you could link any way you could imagine and so I felt more creative when it came to the combos I'd produce. When it came to Ninja Gaiden and God of War, I would always go through all of the combo lists and just find the one or two combos to stick with for the rest of the game instead of utilizing an entire list. Bayonetta brings these two worlds together to lend itself to however the player wants to play. You are given a very large list of combos consisting of different combinations of punches and kicks. Those combos will figure into all of the weapons that you obtain in the game. Some combos may be removed or given different timing, some combos might be useful for some weapons and less so for others. Though, as long as you've been studying up on what she can do, it's fairly simple to jump into a different weapon and know what you're doing. 
     You can also purchase moves that can be performed in the middle of any combo string by utilizing a specific motion and button press ala Devil May Cry. By modifying your combos with these moves, you can set them up for an air combo, stun them to perform a more devastating combo, or give the enemy chase if they end up moving too far from you. You'll also end up netting more points and halos by using these moves to link your combos.

+ What's the difference between this enemy and that enemy? Almost everything. All of the enemies in Bayonetta will have strategies of their own to try and take you down which means you'll have to adapt to each enemy you face. You can go ahead and use the same combo you've always used but that doesn't mean it's going to be just as effective against one enemy type as it is for another. And when you're facing multiple types at once, they actually have a way of attacking you together. Some beat-em'-ups have a sense of just killing as much as you can and as fast as you can but with the enemies in Bayonetta, you'll start to dissect the battle situation and begin using strategies of which ones to dispatch first, which combos would work the best if you end up needing to interrupt it. The enemies in this game made me think, and not only did I feel and look cooler when I took them on, I felt smarter too.


+ The difficulties are what they are. The pacing of each difficulty felt absolutely perfect. Normal didn't start ramping up to max difficulty in the end making you think, "Man, I'll never be able to do this part on a harder difficulty..." Normal will be narmal through and through. The difficulty will come out of learning how to handle new enemy types on their own and then how to handle them when they're mixed together. The game's challenge comes more from how you can adapt, not from, "Good luck surviving this one." And then when you move onto the harder difficulties, it uses new combinations of enemies for each level and picks up the pace in a way that feels like a natural step up from when you beat the game on a previous difficulty.


+ The weapons are wicked. The weapons are definitely unique in this game. There wasn't really a feeling that I had used a weapon in some other game before. With the way they combo'd, they felt intuitive and also different from everything I'd used before. And there are plenty of weapons. You are also allowed to make two sets of weapons attached to your hands and feet and you can switch them on the fly. You can also make your weapon sets whenever you want instead of only being able to pick them out in the beginning of a level. Play around with them, use what feels good; It's what this game is about.


+  Torture whenever you like. There are torture attacks in the game which are essentially what you can use to finish off enemies to save time and net halos. When you land a lot of hits and don't take damage, you have a magic bar that starts to fill up. When fills all the way, you get a prompt to perform a torture attack. You can perform these whenever you want, no matter the enemy's health, as long as you have a full bar to use. In most cases, it will flat out kill the enemy or, at the least, do a TON of damage.


+ Finally! A dodge BUTTON! I prefer the Devil May Cry or Ninja Gaiden way of dodging where you hold the target enemy or block button and press a button (usually the one assigned to jump) and a direction to dodge. I can keep my thumb on the important buttons to retaliate after I dodge and I can react quicker with my dodge. I got beef with whoever thought taking your thumb off of the pad to use a controller's right-stick to dodge was a good idea (I'm looking at you God of War and Dante's Inferno) because it's not. Kamiya has actually found a way to more conveniently allow the player to dodge by just using the RT or R2 button. She will automatically dodge backwards and avoid the attack. If you want to dodge to a specific direction, just move the stick wherever you want when you press the dodge button. It's convenient, intuitive and just plain awesome. THIS was a good idea.


= This isn't Shenmue! I swear, it feels like ever since Shenmue started using quick-time events, every other game thought it should too. Bayonetta doesn't really flood it's gameplay and cutscenes with them, but they're still there and they can still be annoying. Some of them are fun though so it's not really bad. It's just not really good either.


- It does what beat-'em-ups don't. There are certain sections of Bayonetta that have you doing tasks that break up from the usual fighting to change the pace. Now, they'd be kinda cool and fun seeing as how they're tributes to other games, but they just feel like they go on FOREVER. If they were short and sweet excursions, they'd be welcome editions. Instead, they wear out they're welcome real fast. On one of the levels, I was riding a motorcycle. I thought I was going around in circles because I would go through the same tunnels, turns and bridges really often. I was trying to figure out where to go the whole time only to find out that it was just incredibly long-winded and that I was doing the right thing by just going forward. There are only two sections in the game that do this which only accounts for a very small portion of the game and they don't mar the overall experience. Just don't do it again P*. Don't.
 

Story and Presentation

+ Robert Rodriguez, anyone? This game has a campy, fun vibe to it. When you watch the opening, all of the characters felt like they came right out of a Rodriguez flick. From the dialogue, to the action being cool but not fully taking itself seriously, you'd think Kamiya had just finished watching Desperado. I personally think it's a good thing. At the same time, I can take the characters and events seriously. But when Bayonetta starts to goof off with comedic and cheesy sexy moments, I can have fun with it too. One moment, Bayonetta will make a provocative, over-played sexual motion, blow the head off an angel with style, and then proceed to slap an angel silly. The game was made more to have fun with. If you take it too seriously, it's really likely to just turn you off. It's not really trying to hit gamers over the head with sex-appeal, it's poking fun at everything that does.


+ Ooooh, what's that? Every angel and boss was creatively inspired with a lot of thought put into how they would act, and look. For example, with the angel, Iustitia, or Justice, he came off as a demon with how scary he appeared. "This may be due to the fact that those depicting the angel are filled beyond comprehension with awe at the sheer difficulty of encouraging justice in the world." I liked how the enemies weren't just put because you need enemies that look cool. They all have their own backgrounds and reasons for their appearance. It was always exciting to read about the different forces of heaven.


+ I'm killing angels? Yep, you are killing angels. And not because Heaven is evil in this game. You are killing good-willed angels that protect the world from demons and the like. To me, that was a really intriguing point. Normally, when you're on the bad side in videogames, they always tend to either make the good side come off as being evil or totally stupid in a satirical manner. Sometimes they'll even twist the bad side to work for the good making one large good force against a greater evil. Instead, Bayonetta puts you on a very ambiguous side where you aren't trying to go forward with evil intentions, but they're not exactly good ones either. I just thought it was about time someone really say, "You know angels, right? The ones that help people and guide souls to heaven and work for God? Yea, you're going to go kill those," instead of, "Yea, they're angels but they're trying to kill mankind so it's ok." Bayonetta kinda looks at both Heaven and Hell objectively showing that the creatures of Heaven feel like they should help humans out because it's the right thing to do, not because that's what they exist for or that it's what they're supposed to do. It feels like a breath of fresh air to me.


= But I thought you said... The story in Bayonetta isn't the strongest I've ever gone through. You can tell the effort was there to make a good story and it was interesting and intriguing up until the end where it just felt like it fell apart. Not like Borderlands did, mind you. More like the dialogue got really confusing and just left you there in left field trying to make sense of it. At least it did for me.

= Sex-Appeal. Bayonetta is a constantly teasing game when it comes to sexual innuendos and body language. I don't see it as something that doesn't fit or makes the game worse. It actually lends itself to creating a lot of the comedy in the game. Some people that can't see that think it's just over sexualizing Bayonetta, trying to get gamers to buy it through T&A thus making it offensive. I say lighten up. It's supposed to be ridiculous. I don't think of it as either good or bad. It's just a part of what the game is. It does enhance certain moments with comedic flare but otherwise, it's just there.


= This is just a tribute. There are tons of references to past Kamiya creations, SEGA games, and I really want to say even No More Heroes. Unfortunately, sometimes it felt like there may have been so many references and tributes that it made Bayonetta feel more like a culmination of these things instead of something that stands alone by itself. Luckily, Bayonetta does have enough of it's own personality to be something that can stand on it's own two legs. The references are cool though, if you can catch them. I just wonder if maybe they should have held off on a few...



Graphics

+ I feel happy! I liked the graphics very much. Not everything popped so I wouldn't say that this is a game to show off visually but there's a lot that's very detailed and lends itself to the style and aesthetic of the game. In this case, the graphics enhanced the experience for me with all of the special effects and it's unique visual style. This was a visually pleasing game.


Sound

+ Pop-star party!  The soundtrack was a lot of fun. Bayonetta's themes were very pop-styled including a remix of "Fly me to the moon". The orchestral pieces did a very good job at adding tension to struggles in battle or to give you that push of hope when you're just about to deal the final blow to one of the game's bosses. I kinda want the soundtrack actually...

+ Where do I know this from...? There are remixed themes of classic sega games in here and they are VERY awesome. Keep an ear out and see if you can recognize them.

+ BOOM! The sound-effects had a great oomph to them that made you feel like you were really pounding on your enemies. The creatures also have very cool noises that they make. Good luck trying to figure out what animals they used to make some of those sounds though.


Should you buy it?

     Totally. The first run through the game has a fair amount of length to it. This game was made for replays though. You'll need to play through all the levels and difficulties to get enough halos to buy all of the items in the shop, get all of the weapons, unlock secrets and find all of the Umbran blood tears. The mere challenge of trying to get the highest award on each level is already addictive and fun on it's own. It's a satisfying experience worthy of your attention. Great Job, Platinum Games!

     *SEGA took it upon themselves to port Bayonetta to the PS3. Unfortunately, it has increased load times (even for pausing), reduced frame-rates and the graphics take a SLIGHT hit. I don't think it should deter you from playing or purchasing this game if you only have a PS3 since the game is still just as enjoyable and addictive. If you can choose what system to get it for though, get it for the Xbox 360.


Bayonetta was developed by Platinum Games, published by SEGA. Played through Normal, Hard and Infinite Climax difficulties, clocked a whopping 40+ hours and is still going strong. Review is based on the Xbox 360 version.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for Parents

Parents 


Here's the ESRB:
ESRB rates this game M for Mature, ages +17 for the following:
Blood
Drug Reference
Intense Violence
Language

This is a first-person shooter in which players assume the roles of members of an elite squadron on the trail of a Russian ultranationalist. Players defend the U.S. from Russian armed forces, engage in skirmishes and combat missions, and track the ultranationalist in an attempt to discover his true motivations and co-conspirators. Players use machine guns, sniper rifles, grenades, and missiles to kill enemy soldiers throughout the battlefields. Realistic gunfire, explosions, and cries of pain are heard during the frequent and fast-paced combat. The most intense depiction of violence occurs during a "No Russian" mission where players take on the role of an undercover Ranger: Several civilians are gunned down at an airport as players are given a choice to participate in the killings (e.g., players can shoot a wounded civilian that is crawling on the ground), or walk by and observe without opening fire. In either case, civilians scream and emit pools of blood as they are shot to death. Within the multiplayer portion of the game, players can unlock "emblems" to be used on their player name cards. Some of these emblems contain images that reference drugs (e.g., a cannabis leaf; a name card with a depiction of a joint). Dialogue in the game contains profanity in both English (e.g., "sh*t") and Russian (e.g., "f**k" and "motherf**ker").

     Ok, let's talk about this No Russian business. The ESRB explained pretty well what happens during that mission. Allow me to go deeper into the background of it. I'll also put everything in simpler terms so that it's really easy to understand. First off, when you start the game, it tells you that there is offensive content within this game and that you may choose to opt out of playing the mission containing the offensive content. It goes on to mention that should you choose to opt out, it will not ruin the game for you story-wise or gameplay-wise. There is nothing forcing you to play this level.
     In the mission, you have the chance to settle in with a group of Russian terrorists if you carry out an operation with them while undercover. If you succeed, then you would have access to their plans to commit further terrorism. The terrorists make sure that while they perform their mission that they speak no Russian. This fact is important. Then they proceed to mow down a lot of russian civilians within an airport. As a player, you do not have to kill any innocent civilians. The game will let you kill if you want to but you're also free to just walk along and witness the event. In the end, they know that you were undercover the whole time and that you are an American. They shoot you and leave you behind, dead at the airport. The reason why they performed this mission and kept themselves from speaking Russian was so they could use the Americans as scapegoats and rally their country against America. Because no one heard them speak Russian and there was a dead American dressed as one of the terrorists left at the site, everyone was led to believe America had committed this terrorist act, thus evoking a war between Russia and America.
     The news will tell you that this game makes it ok to be a terrorist and that it forces you and teaches you to kill innocent civilians. They also say that the "no Russian" reference means to not leave any Russians alive. The thing is, this level is completely optional. You are never forced to play it. Even when you're in the airport, you aren't forced to kill any civilians if you don't want to. Let's also not forget, this game is intended for a mature audience; Adults like me and you.
     The news never played this game. They caught word of it, saw a minute of gameplay and decided that this game trained people to be terrorists and that there is no merit to this experience. I'm telling you that I played through this game twice, I played it for an entire week and I've been playing games for a LONG time. This is not a game that shows how to effectively become a terrorist. It is an optional mission that begins the conflict of the plot within this game. Undercover operations are real. People sometimes perform duties that go against their beliefs if it means the safety of the country, or in this case, the world. This mission is merely giving perspective from a person performing their duty. Here is a video of the mission from start to end. This is violent footage so please watch at your own discretion.

Assassin's Creed for Parents

For The Parents

     The ESRB is lacking a description entailing specifics of what occurs in Assassin's Creed but let's see if I can help sort out what they refer to.

Assassin's Creed is Rated M for Mature, ages +17 for Blood, Strong Language, and Violence.

     Blood is in this game but there is an option to tone down the blood and it actually makes the game a bit more appropriate. If the blood is turned on, there'll be a sort of red mist that appears when you wound an enemy. Violence kind of goes hand in hand with blood since there is no blood without violence, right? There are depictions of violence that I'm not sure I'd ever let my kids see unless I thought they were mature enough for it. There are instances, just to name a few, where throats are slashed, torsos are stabbed multiple times, heads are jammed with blades, and much more. And as for strong language, it's just standard fare. You got your fucks, shits, and damns. Here's a clip that gives a pretty good idea of what to expect when it comes to the violence that occurs in the game:

Left 4 Dead 2 for Parents

For The Parents

Here's what the ESRB has to say:

Rated M for Mature, ages 17+

Content descriptors: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Language

Rating summary:  
Infected zombie-like creatures roam the bayous, backwoods, streets, and parishes of a distinctly Southern United States in this first-person shooter set in the aftermath of apocalyptic pandemic. Groups of one-to-four players (i.e., the "Survivors") work cooperatively to battle the "Infected" zombies and reach safehouses at the end of each round/chapter. Player-Survivors use realistic pistols, submachine guns, shotguns, and assault rifles to kill hordes of zombies throughout the game; chainsaws, machetes, axes, and baseball bats can be used in frenetic close-quarter combat (i.e., melee attacks). In most cases, large sprays of blood shoot out of injured zombies, and they can stain the ground, walls—players' screen; for example, the "Boomer"-Infected explode in a shower of blood and bile when shot, which clouds players' view of the impending zombie swarm. 

Bladed melee weapons and direct hits from rifles, shotguns, etc., cause decapitation or dismemberment; intense depictions include: piles of the Infected in a pool of blood along the roadside; intestines spilling out of abdominal wounds; zombie gibs shooting in all directions; charred innards; and skeletal bits and unclaimed torsos. While the litany of somewhat "gruesome" depictions attests to the Mature rating, the over-the-top onslaught is, in some ways, mitigated by the exaggerated menacing evil (camp?) of the drone-like zombie horde; the genre homage (horror, zombies, . . . cricket paddle) is palpable. Consumers might also wish to know that the game includes profanity, such as "sh*t," "a*shole," and "b*tch"; however, it is the intense violence, the blood and gore that are the primary factors for the Mature rating.

http://www.esrb.org/ratings/synopsis.jsp?Certificate=27786

     I think the ESRB did a pretty good job on this discription. I don't even need to add in that even though it's violent, it's almost light-heartedly so with how over-the-top and campy it is. Here's a video for reference: 

 

Borderlands for Parents

FOR PARENTS

Here's what the ESRB has to say about Borderlands:


Rated M for Mature, ages 17+

Content descriptors: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Mature Humor, Strong Language 

Rating summary: This is a sci-fi first-person shooter in which players assume the roles of mercenary treasure hunters on a mission to the fictional planet of Pandora. Players undertake missions/quests that increase characters' skills, eliminate an assortment of mutant creatures, and drive and collide with advanced alien vehicles. Players kill hundreds of enemies (e.g., human bandits and mercenary soldiers) over the course of the game by using a wide variety of guns (shotguns, sniper rifles), explosives, and special ammo types (fire, acid and electricity, etc.). The combat is frenetic, and enemies moan or scream when they are hit. Damage from weapons also results in large spurts of blood, dismemberment, and decapitation. When a human or creature is decapitated, an effect resembling a fountain of blood will shoot from the neck for a few seconds and stop. Some weapons cause enemies to split in half, the top being separated from the waist. During the course of the game, characters make jokes about streaking, body parts, rape, and mothers (e.g., "…more busted than my momma's girly parts"). Strong profanity (e.g., "f*cking," "sh*t," "p*ssy," and "d*ckbag") can be heard in the dialogue.

Yep, this game is definitely intended for a more mature audience. It was not intended for young kids and I'd say the ESRB did a pretty bang up job describing the content in the game. Do keep in mind though that this is more going for a graphic novel or comic book kinda vibe so it's all very over the top and not as extreme as it would be if it were represented in a more realistic manner. Here's a video for reference:

Katamari Forever for Parents

FOR PARENTS

I, personally, see nothing inappropriate about this game. It's rated E for Everyone. Here's what the ESRB  points out is in the game:

Alcohol and Tobacco Reference
Comic Mischief
Mild Fantasy Violence
Mild Language

"This is a puzzle/adventure game in which players roll a small ball around cities, collect random items (e.g., dice, beer signs, candy, smoking pipes, buckets, etc.) that stick to the ball, and make the ball grow in size. Players can eventually work their way up to rolling over cars, buildings, and even mountains. Sumo wrestlers, children, animals, and police officers can join the ride, though they sometimes cry out and wriggle around as they get stuck to the giant ball. One of the character descriptions mentions that "[h]e's trying to work out a way to fart without making a sound." The expletive "dammit" appears once on the screen."

     The "Alcohol and Tobacco Reference" is really about the items that you can roll up. There's no encouragement to smoke or drink in the game. I haven't personally run into anything about a guy making a noiseless fart and I can't recall anyone saying "dammit" in the game and I've put maybe 30+ hours into the game. It just shows that you could play for quite a while and never run into certain things. The ESRB also, to me, makes it sound like you're harming people in katamari when you're not. I've provided a clip of the game to show what the game looks like. I think this game would be appropriate for anyone of any age and the ESRB agrees.

Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for Parents

Parents


ESRB rates this game as M for Mature ages +17 for the following:
Blood and Gore
Intense Violence
Strong Language

That's about all there is on their site. I would say it's one of the more tame games that are out there. It has it's moments but I've seen much MUCH worse in videogames. There are events when the game puts you into the shoes of someone who's going to die. One of the characters gets caught in a nuclear explosion; You see the death of someone being executed from their perspective. There was a remake of this game for the Wii. It's not exactly the same as Call of Duty 4 on the PS3 and Xbox 360, it may or may not share all of the same content, but they're VERY similar. Here's the ESRB descriptor for the Wii version and a clip of the game in motion:

This is a first-person shooter, set in the modern day, in which players join an elite army squadron on missions to hunt down terrorists. Players navigate battlefields in the Middle East and Russia; use machine guns, sniper rifles, grenades, and missiles to kill enemy soldiers; and attempt to disable the launch of nuclear warheads aimed at the United States. Realistic gunfire, explosions, and cries of pain are heard during the frequent and fast-paced combat. Soldiers emit large puffs of blood when they are shot and killed; there is blood pooling around corpses in some levels. In one sequence, players' successful sniping attack results in an enemy's arm becoming dismembered. One of the more dramatic sequences involves a depiction of a prisoner of war who is tied to chair, then shot in the head by a teammate. Strong profanity (e.g., "f**k" and "sh*t") can be heard in the dialogue.

Just to clarify about the last bit mentioned, the prisoner in the chair was executed by your side, the good guys, after your squad interrogates him for information.