Dante's Inferno For Xbox360 and PS3

     Okay, imagine a HUGE museum. Alright, maybe a zoo... Okay, I really don't care what type of public display it is, just fill it with everything that's ever been compelling or interesting to you. It'd make this museum or zoo one you want to visit and spend hours everyday looking around at all the displays. Think of all the awesome things you could learn and see. Now imagine that the museum has a see-through floor and you're in the basement, looking through the floor at all of the displays. And then imagine that instead of trying to get the most out of your experience, you're running through the tight and dark corridors of the basement at such a speed Sonic the Hedgehog can't imagine. You turned your favorite place filled with hours upon hours of study into a 2 minute marathon. When you finish, you don't remember anything but running through the basement and some slight colors washing in from the displays above. That's what Dante's Inferno is like. This review is going to be short because I feel that there's so much that I didn't like, it'd be best I only stuck with the main points.

Gameplay

+ You're good at this. - I heard this somewhere before and I feel like it should be said again and again because it's true and it's actually the only positive I can think of. Visceral Games is really good at transplanting exact game mechanics from popular games and putting it into their own. Dead Space is just like Resident Evil 4, Dante's Inferno is just like God of War. You could easily jump from one of those games into one of Visceral's games and you'd feel right at home! Think of how many people try to make their games like popular ones to make some money and they normally fail and nailing the feel. Visceral hits the nail perfectly on the head.

= Fear me, I am the God of War! - I can and I will be making God of War comparisons all day long about Dante's Inferno. Why? Because that's exactly what Visceral was trying to do. They wanted to make a God of War game in sheep's clothing. What they did is copy God of War for everything that made it good and exactly what made it bad. And for me, that's really bad.

- Mortal Combat - After the release of Bayonetta, Dante's Inferno just doesn't feel as good as it could be when it comes to combat. It's slow and shallow. You get SOME combos if you choose to go down the unholy path except that you won't do that because Dante will have a hellish time getting through the game if you don't go down the holy path. Therefore, you just won't have any options to choose from and you'll get bored.  Also, the enemies have the ability to become your worst nightmare. If you get knocked down, you better start prayin' because these guys will attack you again and again before you can ever hope to start to get up. Why is Dante such an acrobat when he's fighting, whipping around and such, but then suddenly turns into a septuagenarian with the worst case of arthritis ever recorded in history? GET. UP. If you killed Death to get into Hell, then you can get the **** up!

- Holy war - There are two skill trees in Dante's Inferno; The holy and unholy skill trees. Holy powers will make your cross stronger and the unholy path will give you more combos for your scythe. I don't know how anyone is expected to beat the game if they don't dive really deep into the holy path. I don't see myself as bad at games. I have plenty of difficult gaming achievements including beating Devil May Cry 3 on Dante Must Die mode, but I can not for the life of me imagine how you beat the final boss if you did not get the high level powers of the holy path. What do the holy powers do exactly? They literally make you invincible. You can make it so no one can interrupt your cross combos, you can get powers and items that make it so that you only take damage from 30% of all hits you recieve, you can stun huge groups of enemies for 15 seconds pretty much whenever you want. And then, if you happen to take any damage, you just activate a healing spell that heals you for a damn long time and reduces the damage you take for a godly amount. So no one can stop you from attacking, you can't take any damage, and should a miraculous event occur where you do take damage, you can just heal it back. Add in a reduced use of magic to increase the number of times you can heal and the ability to make enemies heal a quarter of your health bar every time you kill something and you just sucked all the FUN out of your GAME.

- I am the Devil! - God, you must be because it takes a lot of effort to even put a dent into the health bar of the last boss. And then he does tons and tons of damage to you with every hit while he also attacks you WHILE YOU'RE DOWN. His difficulty lies in how cheap he is. The last time I got this frustrated was the broken boss battles in Ninja Gaiden 2 on the Xbox360. Mind you I even went down the invincible holy path and he was still managing to bleed me for every drop of health I had. To anyone who ventures down the unholy path, good luck with your combos. I have a feeling you won't have too many uses for them.

- We are Legion! - Yes and you're all the same! I dunno if you've seen the trailers or the developer diaries where they show off special demons on each layer, it's better if you didn't because it's all a trick and a farce. Let's put it this way; Left 4 Dead 2 had more enemy variation than Dante's inferno. That is unless you count different colors as being different enemies. And you shouldn't. You really shouldn't.

- Please board the platform... PLEASE! - I hate God of War for it's platforming and puzzles. They're not clever. When it comes to puzzles, they just choose something mundane and stupid and then make it artificially harder by tossing in infinite enemies to halt and destroy your progress. Also, Kratos is slow, clunky and sucks at jumping. Mix that in with some terrible platform placement and you have a recipe for frustration. Dante's Inferno though God of War did a marvelous job on these points and copied it to the proverbial "t". Dante's Inferno is better for it's lack of frustrating "puzzles" and worse for it's worse use of platforming gameplay. 

- Humpty Dumpty was broken in my day - When you absolve a special character in hell, a small minigame starts when you have to time your button presses as "sins" glide closer to the corresponding button you need to press. It's broken. Sometimes it will accept your button press before the sin ever reaches a button, sometimes it will punish you for absolving sins in rapid succession or simply for just timing your button press correctly. It just depends on how much the game feels like messing with you at the time.

- Harry Potter, I am not. - But I am God of War. Remember the magic spell you spammed in God of War to save yourself from the evils around you? Sometimes it wasn't even necessary to use spells at all. I mean, really, they could be pretty useless too. Dante's Inferno is more useless than that. I didn't feel like my spells did damage for jack ****. The only one I ever truly used was the healing holy armor.

Story and Presentation

= It's a game about hell and... - Well they made it apparent through colors, words and advertising that it's about hell. And that's good enough I guess from this game. The Devil May Cry games were barely about hell and I think they gave a much better idea about what hell could be like. Even Silent Hill 2 was extremely more hellish and you came to the conclusion that you were in hell and they never even had to tell you that.

- Dante's action-adventure - I never read Dante's Inferno. I can't bring up specifics about what was different or the same. Let me say this. I don't care what they say about the game being so inspired by the book and how they kept everything close to the source material, they used the book as an excuse because it's easier to show that your game is going to be violent and that it will tap into the minds of the mainstream violent gamer so much easier than a new, unknown IP (intellectual property - a new series, premise or concept for a game) would.

- How could you go wrong? - You guys had ****ing WAYNE BARLOWE on your design team!!!! How is it possible that I don't feel like I'm in hell?!?! Seriously! Wayne Barlowe even has a book called Inferno and it's all about HELL! How could you not use those creatively disturbing ideas? I mean, even all of Dante's Inferno's monsters felt more disconnected from the source material than God of War's! Just because God of War opts out for boobs at every turn and makes it work doesn't mean you should try too. You're making a game about hell. The only thing that really made me feel like I was in hell were the unbaptized babies.

     Dante's Inferno also has a fixed camera that is supposed to act like God of War's to show these epic set pieces and it kills the experience. I can't look around hell. I can't observe all of the different things going on in each circle of hell. I guess that's fine enough though because there's really nothing to look at. Everything just feels cramped and small. It's like you're on a cave expedition and you see different colors of lava. Anything being tortured is either hobbled in a corner the same way as the last person who was hobbled in a corner, or is shown as a low-resolution picture of thousands of souls swirling together inside of a wall, repeating itself over and over. That's what you guys came up with? a scared person and a choppy image? 

     To be fair, it's easy to tell that Wayne Barlowe was utilized. And those designs that he worked on were cool enough. A good majority of them suffered however, due to the low amount of detail put into the game's aesthetics. Visceral essentially went with the same graphics as (2008) Prince of Persia's with the difference being that Prince's aesthetics soared with beauty and detail in the art. Visceral put only as little attention as needed into the number of creatures in their game.

- Real or Fake? - I never liked a lot of Sony's first person exclusives for visual reason but I could never figure out what it was. I do now and it's because when they do something realistic, they still make it look like a cartoon. Kratos in God of War doesn't look realistic yet everything else in the game seems to try to shoot for realism. Seeing a character from Jet Set Radio in Mirror's Edge will not look right unless you fit that character to Mirror's Edge's art style. It's why Sonic doesn't look right next to real people. Dante's Inferno does this. They push a lot of realism in this game, especially when it comes to the cinematic sequences that aren't cartoons. And then when you start playing, everything looks fake compared to Dante. 

- Go on... - If you want to know about Hell, Virgil will tell you about it. You'll just have to ask him about it after every sentence he finishes. I got an idea. What if he told me everything about it without me pressing a button 5 times?

Graphics

= Needs more... Hmm... - If you liked the way God of War 2 looked graphically, then you'll like these graphics. They look almost the same. They're nothing special and they looked like they could be pushed pretty easily on a PS2. Doesn't mean they can be, it just means they look like they could. So, yeah, it looks dated.

Sound

+ I'm in Hell! - Souls scream, people beg for your help, they confess secrets, they tempt you with deals, screaming, shrieking, agony! Imagine how Hell sounds and this game will really replicate that.

Should I buy it?

     Hell no. If you really need to, rent it. If you really like it after that, sure, buy it. But honestly, you could do so much more with your time. If you played a good game like Mass Effect or Bayonetta or anything else that just came out recently and then looked at Wayne Barlowe's illustrations, you would feel like you got a more full experience out of being in hell than playing Dante's Inferno. I actually wish I could get my 6 hours of gameplay back to put into my beloved Mass Effect 2. At least I can save you by telling you this is nothing to get hyped at. It's not even really something to play to say you played it. You're not going to talk about it really. Just play it when you really have nothing else to play. And there's plenty of great games out there before you get to Dante's Inferno.
     Otherwise, you're looking at 2 playthroughs at best, a survival mode like Devil May Cry 4's Circles of Hell where you just fight wave after wave of baddies. Eventually, they will add a co-op play mode where players can edit their own arenas and design their own enemy waves. Kinda like Castlevania on the DS (which also portrays Hell better than Dante's Inferno and is a ton of fun).
     If you're interested in Wayne Barlowe, check this out: Wayne Barlowe's Inferno. Any of his stuff could have easily fit into Hell.

Dante's Inferno was developed by Visceral Games and published by EA for the Xbox360 and PS3. Played through normal difficulty with a playtime of 6 hours. Review based on the PS3 version.

If you want another opinion on Dante's Inferno, check out Simon's review here.